Posted: Mon 17 March, 2014 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: Domestic, Sociable, Sweary |
Over the weekend, I saw one of the funniest things in ages.
Grabbing lunch in a restaurant, a family were sat near me. Parents and two daughters, about seven and ten (at a wild guess). The children had obviously been bickering, and it had carried on into the restaurant. Not loud enough to be annoying, just children noise, with the older one snarking at the younger pretty much constantly.
Obviously it all got too much, and the younger one yelled at full volume “Oh, just FUCK OFF!” Impossible to miss.
It was hilarious. Obviously the parents didn’t think the girl knew language like this, and the elder one was pretty shocked too – enough that she shut up, obviously knowing that things had Gone Too Far.
And I’m sure I’m not the only person in that place who was just about crying with laughter.
Posted: Thu 6 February, 2014 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: Charm School, London, People, Stupidity, Sweary, Work-related |
Over the last two weeks, I’ve been commuting into one of London’s busiest main-line stations, Euston. It has a huge throughput of people, and it’s always an absolute pig to navigate.
It’s not just the sheer quantity of people – although that doesn’t help – it’s also the crap they lug about with them. One of the banes of my life at this point is one I’ve written about before – fucking bastard wheeled suitcases. I swear I don’t get the need for them a lot of the time. Sure, if you’re travelling onwards or whatever, I suppose they’re useful. (Although I’ve never had – or wanted – one myself) And yes, I know, I can’t tell who’s travelling onwards, and who’s just an inveterate ballbag.
But in my opinion/experience, dear God, the fucking things should be banned outright. They’re not a danger in and of themselves, but they certainly are when they’re under the ‘control’ (and I use that word in its loosest possible context) of fuckwit owners. In a similar way to umbrellas, the owners thereof seem to be utterly unconscious of their extra dimensions – increased width with umbrellas, increased length with fucking wheelie bags – and assume that everyone else will get out of their way. (If they’ve even thought about it at all)
For myself, I got whacked by fucking wheelie suitcases on a regular basis, and I’m currently now nursing a twisted/twatted ankle as a result of one of those collisions, where the person had walked in front of me (with space to spare) and not realised their cunty fucking wheelie shitty suit-bastard-case was trailing behind. So I got caught up in the piece of shit, and it ripped into my ankle. Which, frankly, fucking hurts.
It will come as no surprise to regular readers, but sometimes (OK, most of the time) people really piss me off.
Posted: Fri 13 December, 2013 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Charm School, Creativity, Cynicism, Design, Marketing, Sweary, Thoughts, Work-related |
According to this article, Pantone (they’re ‘the colour people, don’t’cha know?) have decreed that this purple is “the colour of 2014”. (And fuck off, Americans, it’s ‘colour’, not bloody ‘color’)
Now, I like purple as much as the next person – I’d go so far as to say it’s probably my favourite colour. But
- This is not proper purple. It’s a kind of wanky lilac, at best. Hell, they’ve not even called it Purple – it’s “Radiant Orchid”, which might as well be a name made up by Dulux.
- You know, there are people who get paid for coming up with this kind of shit
- And there are people whose job it is to come up with names for paints. I truly hope they feel fulfilled and happy in their work. I’d want to be killing people.
- How the blue, blazing, fiddly fuck do you have a “colour of the year”, for shit’s sake?
All told it’s just marketing bollocks of the highest order.
Posted: Wed 4 December, 2013 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Education, People, Stupidity, Sweary, Thoughts, Work-related |
In my current workplace, there are a couple of people who seem to be almost proud of their general ignorance – which drives me crackers.
I don’t care if you don’t know something – even if it’s something simple – but don’t wear it as a badge of pride, for fuck’s sake. We’re an IT company, you should know at least how to Google stuff and find out – rather than broadcasting round the office that you don’t know (as per one recent example) what a mouth ulcer is.
The only thing that drives me more mental is when these people – so happy to show that they don’t know shit – then feel the need to talk bollocks about something other people in the office are discussing, even though they so blatantly know fuck-all about it. It’s funny in a way (and sad in many more) when they start spouting stuff that (again) a simple Google or Wikipedia page will tell you is wrong.
I don’t get why anyone would want to broadcast how little they know about something/anything. Sure, I will always say “I don’t know”, when I don’t, but that is usually followed with ” but I’ll find out”. I know, I’m an info-geek, I want to know about stuff, and I know lots about a whole range of useless shit. I know that, and accept it about myself.
I realise other people aren’t like that, and I get it. What I don’t get is why, if you don’t know something, you don’t look it up online – in an IT company, don’t forget – rather than making yourself look/sound like a total ballbag to everyone in the company.
Posted: Thu 3 October, 2013 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Literacy, People, Sweary, Thoughts, Words |
One of the phrases that keeps on annoying me at the moment is the current ‘approved’ terminology for an apology
We’d like to apologise for [x]
Why does it annoy me? Because if you look at it, it’s not actually an apology. It’s a mealy-mouthed excuse. “We’d like to apologise for [x]” isn’t the same as “We are really sorry about [x]”
I know it’s probably only me that even notices this kind of thing, but regardless, it’s an annoyance.
If you’re sorry for something, say you’re sorry. Apologise. Don’t tell me that you’d like to apologise – because that’s not actually apologising. It might as well say “We’d like to apologise, but won’t, because well, fuck you”
Just say “Sorry”. Don’t wank around the bushes with it. Say you screwed up, apologise, move on.
Posted: Sun 14 April, 2013 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cinema, Cynicism, Hypocrisy, Offensive Repetition, People, Reviews(ish), Seeing Films, Sweary, Thoughts, Weirdness |
I’ve found a new source of amusement – the “Parental Guides” for films on IMDB.
A perfect example is here, for the new Tom Cruise film “Oblivion”
Why is it so amusing? For wondrous things like this…
bitch used 2 times bastard 1 time ass 4 times shit 6 times 1 use of fuck. Son-of-a-b***h is used once.
It’s the hypocrisy of it all – coupled with the tweeness. In the example above, it’s OK to write bitch, bastard and fuck, but son-of-a-bitch gets asterisked out? Fuck me.
Posted: Thu 14 June, 2012 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Commuting, Driving, Sweary |
I got sent this today, and loved it enough to want to share…
Don’t drive like a …
What’s next, I wonder ?
Don’t drive like a tw@ ?
Now, I like purple as much as the next person – I’d go so far as to say it’s probably my favourite colour. But