Rude Football
Posted: Mon 21 March, 2005 Filed under: Sweary 1 Comment »God, you’ve got to love Scaryduck sometimes. Today’s post about The football Double-Entendre XI is a gem, and has left a dollop of diet coke bobbling into the keyboard.
Bastard.
Da Vinci Bollocks
Posted: Tue 15 March, 2005 Filed under: Reviews(ish), Sweary, Thoughts, Weirdness 6 Comments »No, not a new recently-discovered masterpiece. Instead, the Vatican has come out with a lecture about why the Da Vinci Code is bollocks. (OK, they didn’t phrase it quite like that, but hey, artistic licence and all that)
Frankly, who cares? Anyone who’s brain-dead enough to think that The Da Vinci Code is anything other than utter shite – admittedly, page-turning shite, but utter shite all the same – doesn’t deserve to have it explained to them, they deserve to receive a tattoo on their forehead saying “Gullible Fuckwit”. Ideally written in reverse, so that it makes sense every time they look in the mirror.
The Da Vinci Code is toss. Badly-written pulp novel toss, albeit with sales figures that feature in Tom Clancy’s wet dreams. I’ve read it. It’s toss. That’s my critical opinion of it. And of Dan Brown‘s other books too. Toss. All of ’em. I’m not jealous – fair play, he’s written a pile of shit, and made millions from it. Good for him. But to start linking it with reality is the sign of nothing more than epic levels of brain injury in lots of people.
As for debunking the theories in it, or explaining where they’re wrong, well all I can say is that the Vatican really hasn’t got its collective brain round the conspiracy theory idea yet, has it? “A denial is as good as an ovation to a rumour”, and all those other bon mots. But quite honestly the more people who stand up and say “the Da Vinci Code is bollocks, and knows it”, the better. But denying it is just going to make the tinfoil-hat brigade believe all the more. I bet the bloody thing sells in its hundreds around Area 51, and at the “Kennedy didn’t really die, it was all a plot, like when they faked the moon-landings” school of bullshit, Texas.
PICS
Posted: Thu 24 February, 2005 Filed under: D4D™, Geeky, Sweary 2 Comments »Via Gordon, who’s banging on about PICS labels, I’ve now added one to d4d™.
PICS “was originally designed to help parents and teachers control what children access on the Internet, but it also facilitates other uses for labels, including code signing and privacy.�
As you can see here, I don’t have nudity or pictorial violence on the site, but the profanity count is through the roof. Can’t figure out why the shit I would be so high on that bastard though. Oh, um, yeah.
You can sort out your own PICS tag using The ICRA label generator. Fun for all the family.
NNnnoooooo! Rebranding Hell.
Posted: Fri 18 February, 2005 Filed under: News, Sweary 3 Comments »(via Gordon) It’s just unbelievable. Nestlé are going to repackage Smarties®. No more tube – it’s going to be a hexagonal job instead. (Easier to stack, and all that shite) No more plastic flip-off top, instead it’s going to be a cardboard tab.
And why’re they doing it? “to ensure the brand remained “fresh and interesting” to youngsters”.
Fucking twunts.
Spam Comments
Posted: Tue 18 January, 2005 Filed under: D4D™, News, Sweary 4 Comments »Since 8am today I’ve been getting attacked (again) by some weasel-prick fudgenugget tossbadger comment spammers. Yet again, it’s fucking bloody Texas Hold’em Poker and its many variants, and at last count it was something like 600 comments.
First of all, can anyone recommend a decent anti-comment-spam script to run in WordPress? All answers and ideas gratefully received.
Also, according to the BBC Gambling sites are getting hit by DDOS attacks from hackers and the like, and are complaining it’s not fair. Well, so far as I’m concerned while their brethren insist on spamming the shit out of blogs, sites, and email, then they deserve every fucking DDOS attack they get. Reap what you sow, you shitworm cockknockers.
Knackered
Posted: Sun 16 January, 2005 Filed under: Sweary, Travel Leave a comment »200+ miles on Friday – not too bad a journey, certainly better than last weekend’s gale-strewn nightmare.
200+ miles back on Saturday – under five hours in a fully laden High-side Sprinter van, including a break. Not far short of fucking amazing travel-time, really.
Sunday – moving stuff between garage, house, garage, tip, back from tip that has a 6′ height limit for some reason known only to local fuckwit cunty bastard councillors.
Currently collapsed and dead before moving some more stuff around the house in order to settle stuff into proper places. This domesticity thing is bloody chaos to set up – but the results will be worth it.
B&Q revisited
Posted: Fri 14 January, 2005 Filed under: B&Q, Customer Services, Sweary 7 Comments »About two weeks ago, we ordered some items from B&Q’s website – nothing particularly special, two lengths of kitchen worktop and some doors to replace the current ones on the units. Not bank-breaking, about £250 all told.
Because I’m a twunt, it ended up being two orders – one for the doors, one for the worktops. Fair enough, that’s my fault, and I don’t have a problem with them for that part of it.
When all the stuff arrived at B&Q’s branch – all on the same day, I should point out – they decided in their infinite wisdom that the two deliveries should go out via two different carriers. Why, fuck only knows. But that’s how they decided to do it. Ah good – insanity from the start.
The deliveries arrived yesterday and today. The unit doors delivery was done by Parcelforce, and one of the most spectacularly unhelpful and braindead semi-primates known to science. He couldn’t bring both packages to the door, so I had to carry one. The one he carried (bearing in mind it’s wooden doors) was dumped right on the door jamb, and the packaging for the one I was carrying was split. “Not my problem, mate, I just deliver them. If you want to complain you’ll have to call someone. I just deliver ’em.” I think this was a pre-programmed speech, operated by use of the expression “where do I say on your little computer ‘packaging damaged, goods uninspected’?”. But I digress.
The second delivery – supposedly two 3m lengths of worktop, and an end-cap for the worktop – arrived today. Only – well – it’s one worktop. In the wrong colour. It’s also two 1000mm wall units in “cherry”, four cherry-wood doors, and a 400mm door. None of which match. None of which we ordered.
We now have to organise to get all the stuff taken away, and then re-order what we wanted. In short, the entire thing has been about as organised as elephants working in a jelly factory. Fucking farcical. I wonder if Richard Branson is the B in B&Q?