Oxford
Posted: Sat 27 August, 2005 Filed under: Sweary, Thoughts, Travel 5 Comments »A quiet day today with not much planned, so I ended up going over to Oxford. I haven’t been there in a while, despite growing up (well, as much as I’ve ever grown up, anyway) in the area and so on, so I figured I might as well.
It was kind of weird being back in the city, actually – a lot has changed, including the infamous Cornmarket re-paving project that ran somewhere around £4.5m over budget. Mind you, from the state of people in Oxford, I can see why the council tried to make the centre “safer” and pedestrianise it – there’s just an amazing number of fuckwits who either dither out into the road for no good reason, or the shit-for-brains cunts who walk (fucking slowly) three abreast, thus meaning faster-moving people have to go out into the road instead.
Oh, and the woman with the five kids and a double buggy, saying “I’m going to belt someone in a minute” to her mate? Got news for you, love – you’re the fucking problem, not the solution. Shift your arse, stop talking to your mate who also has a double fucking buggy, and start looking where the fuck you’re walking, you mouthy scabarse.
So, what were my feelings about the place? It was nice to go back for a quick visit – and I managed to get some new Cat boots, among other things – but Jesus, I could never live there again. Too many people, too few IQ points – kind of sad, for a place renowned for its students and colleges.
Updating
Posted: Tue 16 August, 2005 Filed under: Geeky, Sweary 2 Comments »Ah, that was one (thanks, Gordon) – Windows Bloody Update.
At work I’m using Windows XP, along with all the latest updates including the dreaded SP2. It’s not too bad – and I might as well get used to it, as the new PC I’m going to be building is going to run on it too. Anyway, I did all the updates the other day, and then got nagged every ten fucking minutes to restart the computer.
I didn’t want to restart the keffing thing, as it was in the middle of doing that log analysis, and I didn’t want to have to restart that either. So I kept on saying “no, do it later” – everyone in the office could tell when I was clicking it, because the comment of “No I don’t, now fuck off!” got louder as the day wore on.
But now, thanks to Gordon and his link, I have fixed it for the future. If anyone else wants to know, do the following :
Start -> Run -> gpedit.msc -> Local Computer Policy -> Computer Configuration -> Administrative Templates -> Windows Components -> Windows Update -> Re-prompt for restart with scheduled installations.
Fuckin’ brilyunt.
Twat
Posted: Thu 11 August, 2005 Filed under: D4D™, Sweary 4 Comments »There’s always at least one cunt in any party, isn’t there? You know the sort, sneering at everyone else, deciding they’re all a waste of space, and generally being a snide fuckmonkey cunt.
In my case, yesterday it was Ken and his comment.
suggest you rename site
SELF-OBSESSION FOR DUMMIES
Well, I’d suggest that either a) Ken sticks his head back up his arse, and farts, or b) that if he’s going to fucking sneer at other people, perhaps the marmoset-cocked wonder should learn some proper English (like wot I knows) and consider use of words like “I” and “your”, which make the comment at least look literate, if still somewhat fuckwitted.
Cunt.
Arse’oles
Posted: Fri 15 July, 2005 Filed under: Customer Services, Music, Photography, Sweary, Thoughts 7 Comments »Dear Brixton Academy,
You utter, utter bunch of cunts. I arrived at the venue last night to see Nine Inch Nails, which I’d been looking forward to since the tickets went on sale. When I got to the door, the security jobsworth motherfucker person searched me and my bag, and refused me access.
My sin? To be carrying a camera. To whit, a digital camera. Now, I realise that the ticket says “no professional cameras”, which is fair enough. And mine, while nice, is most definitely not a professional camera. But no, it turns out that – according to Brixton Academy – “professional” is the same as “digital”. If you’ve got a digital camera, you’re not coming in. If you’ve got a 35mm camera, you’re not coming in. Non-professional cameras would be non-digital, non-zoom, “use once” cameras. And that’s about it. Fucking hell, my bastard phone is listed as a professional camera under your classifications.
Oh, I did get told “you can leave it with us, and collect it at the end of the show“, but that comes listed under the “Yeah, right, pull the other one it’s got fucking bells on” scheme of things.
So, all told, that’s £40 up the swanny. I don’t know if the “no digital cameras” is the policy of the venue or the band, or if it’s just that you have utter fuckwit bastard cunts for doormen. Quite honestly I’ve no intention of finding out. Because I won’t be going back to Brixton Academy again.
You cunts.
Sincerely.
Lyle.
UPDATED : What really rankles is then seeing other people’s photos from the gig.
Multi-tasking
Posted: Wed 13 July, 2005 Filed under: Sweary, Thoughts 4 Comments »Why is it that so many people are utterly shit at doing more than one thing at once?
Example : Walking out of a shop, their brain triggers on “Oh, it’s bright outside, I’d best find my sunglasses”. Slam. Stop. Right in the fucking doorway, so no-one else can get past while they ferret through their bags to find the bloody sunglasses. Outside the door is still in shade from the portico design, so they could wait 5 seconds, get out of the fucking way, and then find the sodding things, but oh no, way too much like common sense.
Example : Walking in a busy street, they hear the “dee-dee-dee deeee-deeee dee-dee-dee” of their phone telling them they’ve a text message. Slam. Stop. Got to look at the message right a-fucking-way, because it might be important, someone might’ve died, you never know. Oh no, it’s my mate wanting to know if I’m nearly there yet. Rather than walking the hundred yards to tell ’em, they’ll stand here like a lemon, blocking the path to other people, while they attempt (yet again) to master T9 predictive text.
Example : Talking on a mobile while driving can quadruple the risk of accidents – as well as being illegal, and leaving you open to a fine etc.
So – why can’t most people multitask?
Manipulation
Posted: Wed 29 June, 2005 Filed under: Sweary, Thoughts 2 Comments »I’ve just had a spammish email (I forgot to click the “forget I exist, and never email me again, you fuckers” button once when I ordered from them) from Interflora today, telling me that Wednesday July 6th is “National Kissing Day”.
What a load of old bollocks. It’s just another “Day” created by Interflora/ Clintons/ Hallmark in order to sell more shit to gullible punters. Not that I’m cunical cynical or owt, but really, National Kissing Day? Do me a favour, pull the other one, it’s got bells on.
Tosspot
Posted: Fri 10 June, 2005 Filed under: Sweary 4 Comments »Oh bumnuggets. Why is it that whenever I think “Oooh, must see when that is”, it turns out to be on a weekend when I’ve got something booked already?
In this case, it’s the London Open House weekend, which I’d really wanted to go to, having missed the first two. Only it’s the same weekend as I’m supposed to be up in Newcastle seeing a friend on the Great North Run.
Fuck-nadgers.