Bladder Control
Posted: Thu 9 January, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Cinema, People, Seeing Films, Thoughts, Weirdness Leave a comment »Last night I was at the cinema – of which more tomorrow – but I was reminded of something else that I’ve been meaning to write about for a while. And that’s this – why are so many people incapable of controlling themselves and sitting still for a couple of hours?
OK, in this case it was a viewing specifically for Unlimited Card holders at the local Cineworld. This meant that the viewing was free, and so perhaps there’s not that same “perception of value”. I don’t know. Mind you, this is something that’s been bugging me for a while, and not just at Cineworlds, so I assume that it also happens even when everyone’s paid to see the damn film.
I wasn’t actually counting, but in that two-and-a-quarter hour film, there must’ve been a good thirty people who went out and then came back in. I assume a fair number of those were toilet breaks – potentially a couple got calls, or had messages they needed to reply to, I suppose. (I’m in a semi-charitable mood today) And I’m also open to believe that a couple might’ve had medical conditions that meant they had less control over their bladders.
But really – how has this become a thing? If you can’t sit and watch a film without taking a break, or needing a piss, then surely there’s something wrong? Even if you’ve consumed that whole bucket of Coke you purchased, surely you can still contain yourself for a couple of hours?
My Films of 2013
Posted: Wed 1 January, 2014 Filed under: Cinema, Films, Geeky, Reviews(ish), Seeing Films, Thoughts, Words, Writing Leave a comment »Yesterday, Karen made a comment on a previous post, and asked for my top five films from 2013. And I thought “Well, why not?”. Although be warned, my taste in films is rotten.
5. Gravity – Probably the smartest sci-fi film (albeit with some bugs still, mainly around orbital mechanics – and the fact Sandra Bullock doesn’t bloody die) of the year, Gravity is short and powerful. Worth seeing in 3D (which is saying something – I’m no 3D fan at all) although I can well imagine it could kick off a dollop of illness in those prone to motion sickness. But that disorientation is almost key to the film, it manages to convey some of how it must feel to be weightless and with no idea what your orientation is.
It also gets a lot of the tech stuff right (although a fair amount wrong, as well) as well as keeping the story tight. I was in two minds about seeing it, if I’m honest (not being a massive fan of Sandra Bullock at the best of times) but I’d say it’s probably the best thing she’s done – in my opinion, anyway.
4. Elysium – Another smart sci-fi, with a dark ‘them and us’ premise that seems to be becoming all the more feasible. Hell, even Jodie Foster was good in it – which is a real revelation, as usual I can’t abide her in films.
The basic premise – that as the majority of the world’s population get poorer, the rich opt to take off to a space environment/station, where they carry on their lives, with the best of technology, medical care etc., effectively leaving the poor to their own devices – is pretty dark, but also (I found) very believable, even though you know the required leaps in technology would be huge. I’m a fan of the director’s previous stuff (particularly District 9, another near-ish-future scifi) and also looking forward to his next film.
3. Iron Man 3 – Robert Downey Jr as Iron Man, written and directed by Shane Black? I’m *so* there. IM3 lived up to its premise, far more than 2 did. Indeed it pretty much ignores 2 for the heap of crap it was. Smart snappy dialogue, some great action scenes, a glorious twist (that again seems ever more feasible in reality) and Robert Downey Jr just being himself. You can usually tell when people had fun making the film, and that comes across in this one.
And yes, I’ve even ended up watching it again on TV over the Festering Season. And it’s still fun, even when you know all of how it works out. Besides, just how damn good an actor is Guy Pearce?
2. Pacific Rim – I never expected anything more from Pacific Rim than what was in the trailers – big robots fight big monsters. If you expected more than that, you were – at best – frighteningly optimistic. But going in with no expectations more than that, I loved this film. Yes, it has some epic bugs and plot holes – the biggest being “if they’re clones, how can one be pregnant, FFS” – which rankle more on repeated viewing. (And yes, I’ve seen it rather more than once!) But still, epic effects, an absolutely cracking soundtrack – which I also bought – and it’s just ridiculous, fun, and probably the most entertaining film (for me) of the year. So why isn’t it at number one?
1. Mud – And the answer to that is ‘because Mud is’. I don’t know why this appealed to me as much as it did, but it’s probably the film that stuck with me the most through 2013. Matthew McConaughey has really grown on me as an actor since he’s stopped doing all the rom-com shit, and he’s really pretty versatile. This one’s more ‘American Mythology’ than anything else, I suppose – matched up with a doomed love story, coming-of-age stuff, and a whole lot more. For whatever reason, I just really liked this one.
And just for fun (and I won’t even credit them with links!), my five worst films have been…
5. White House Down – I was aiming for brainless entertainment. I got brainless.
4. I Give It A Year – I have no idea why I even went to see this. Romcom tat that was about as funny as infected piles.
3. The Counselor – Great expectations from a great trailer, but the film just wasn’t what had been expected. Beautifully shot, and some great set-pieces, but all told a real disappointment of a film.
2. Ender’s Game – One of the few this year that left a really bad taste in the mouth – the whole child-soldier thing, with some very dark morality (and no, I hadn’t read the book, so didn’t know what to expect) and again that feeling that somehow it’s not a concept that America would have any great issues with in the future. All-told, really quite unpleasant.
1. Only God Forgives – In a similar vein to Counselor, a film that didn’t live up to it’s trailer, and turned out in truth to be a very different film from that portrayed. Very arty, beautiful, but utterly up itself. Probably a good film when you’re in the mood for an art-house essay about violence, vengeance and [whatever else] but I wasn’t, so I really didn’t like it.
But bear in mind, there’s a lot of others just outside that list – including Last Stand, Man of Steel, Pain and Gain, and The Paperboy…
Cinematics Followup
Posted: Tue 31 December, 2013 Filed under: Business, Cinema, Customer Services, Domestic, Marketing, Seeing Films, Thoughts Leave a comment »Following on from yesterday’s post about this year’s Cinema viewings, a couple of things were explained to me outside of D4D™ about how Cineworld make their money on Unlimited Tickets.
The main profit-engine – and one I’d never even thought about – is based on attendance. As I understand it, Cineworld pay [whichever movie distributor] based on a percentage of gross ticket sales per week. However, Unlimited card-holders mean there are bums-on-seats that never show up as ticket sales. That £16 per month is pure gravy for Cineworld, and significantly reduces the amount they have to pay to movie distributors.
Apparently, a Cineworld cinema only needs to have 1,000 Unlimited card-holders to break even for the year. It’s that cost-effective.
Then there’s the secondary profit-engines…
- They get customer data – linked to specific customers – of viewing preferences, linked sales, attendance etc. That’s useful for many many reasons
- The extras (as I’d always suspected) – even with the discount from the ticket, you’re still paying much more than you would anywhere else for drinks etc.
There’s probably others as well, but they’re the main ones. It gives an interesting perspective on business etc.
Cinematics 2013
Posted: Mon 30 December, 2013 Filed under: Cinema, Domestic, Finances, Seeing Films, Thoughts 2 Comments »This time last year, I wrote about the number of films I’d seen in 2012, thanks to that Cineworld Unlimited ticket.
Last year, in six months I saw 26 films.
This year, I ended up seeing 65 films – and all for the princely sum (over the year) of £192. Cineworld raised the price of the card to £16 per month – from £15 – but that still means that seeing more than one film a month means the card pays for itself. And that doesn’t include the extra discounts (now 25%) on any food/drink I happen to buy at the cinema. (not that I bother in general, but still, it’s the spirit of the thing) That’s a pretty sweet deal for someone as geeky as me.
When you work it out per film, that means I paid £2.95 per film. That’s ridiculous. Hell, I don’t even pay for parking at the Milton Keynes Xscape one – if you go during the day and pay for parking, you tear off one part of the ticket, and they refund that too.
I really don’t understand how Cineworld makes money off these tickets – except, I suppose, that it’s guaranteed income for the year. One assumes that they hope that the majority of card holders come and also pay for food/drink/popcorn (sorry, but popcorn just isn’t food) which boosts it up. It’s either that, or they hope it’s like gym membership, and people sign up for the year, then don’t come as often as they expect/plan to.
Reduced Interest
Posted: Fri 13 December, 2013 Filed under: Cinema, Domestic, People, Seeing Films, Thoughts Leave a comment »I don’t quite know why it is, but this last couple of weeks have had a severe reduction in the number of films I can be bothered to see.
Indeed, I haven’t even been to the cinema in three weeks – which is noteworthy this year. That Cineworld Unlimited card has certainly been worth the money – I reckon it’s saved me at least three hundred quid this year. (I’ll do the final figures at year-end, but that’s a conservative estimate)
And yet this last two or three weeks, there’s just been nothing that I’ve thought “Oh yeah, I fancy seeing that” – and bear in mind that on this one, my quality-control can be remarkably low.
I’m taking my dad to see the new Hobbit one this coming weekend, which’ll be good. But even then, that’s the only one coming out this week that I’ve wanted to see.
Hopefully things will improve again – although I’m guessing that’s not likely to be before the Festering Season at this rate. As in Summer, the next couple of weeks appear to be primarily loaded with child-friendly fodder for while they’re off-school, and the usual inane set of ballbag romcoms and guff. Always a joy.
End Credits
Posted: Fri 8 November, 2013 Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, People, Seeing Films, Weirdness Leave a comment »Last night I went to see Thor2 with a friend.
It’s crap, but watchable crap – I’ve never been a massive Thor fan (well, not the comic-book version anyway) but it’s OK.
However.
It’s a Marvel film, and (to my recall) all Marvel films are known to have at least one ‘during-the-credits’ extra scene, which is usually worth hanging around for. Thor2 actually has two – one mid-credits, and one right at the end. Which is fine – it’s (I thought) a known thing, or at least should be to regular cinema-goers, and fans of Marvel films. I know a lot of people on Twitter have mentioned them, so I figured they were well-known.
But it amazed me how many people started leaving as soon as the credits started. I reckon a good 60% of the audience had gone by the time the first ‘during-the-credits’ scene appeared, and probably 95% had gone by the time of the final one. OK, the scenes aren’t essential to the main film or anything like that, but they’re fun additions – I’m just surprised by how many people apparently still don’t know that these things happen.
Automated Projection
Posted: Mon 28 October, 2013 Filed under: Cinema, Customer Services, Domestic, Media, Seeing Films, Thoughts Leave a comment »Until recently, it had never occurred to me that most multiplex cinemas have now automated their film projection rooms. I still envisioned it as either being one-projectionist-per-screen, or (at worst) one-projectionist-per-[x]-screens. The only reassuring fact from this is that I’m obviously not the only one to have not realised. (As opposed to being (apparently) the only one to never click that James the Red Engine was ‘reddy for anything’)
But no, it turns out you’re very lucky if there’s a projectionist at all. It’s all programmed, automated, and generally human-free. They have been for (at least) five or six years now, apparently.
I don’t know why it hadn’t clicked for me, because looking back it makes total sense. If you’ve got a 16-screen cinema that is (apparently) only staffed by four spotty teenagers and a manager or two, why on earth would you expect it to then have 16 projectionists? (Or even 2, one per eight screens)
What this does mean though, is that if there’s a fault in the showing, no-one knows about it unless you go out and tell someone. There’s no-one in the room at the back, checking the quality. It’s all done automagically.
I’ve been in a couple now where the projection/showing has gone a bit tits-up – one with no sound, one where everything had a weird pink overlay to it. Both times the rest of the audience has sat there bitching, but still done nothing else, assuming (I assume) that the projectionist would “just fix it”. I just go out and let a member of staff know it’s kippered, which gets things fixed.
I wonder if the cinemas should actually do more to let people know about those changes though?