Posted: Mon 22 December, 2014 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: Bankruptcy, Domestic, Driving, Getting Organised, Introspective, Single Life, Thoughts, Travel |
As has been observed on here many times, I’m shit at taking holidays – and time-off in general, really. This isn’t something that’s related to the bankruptcy etc. (although it’s made it even less easy to do over the last couple of years) as much as it’s related to being a contractor, and to being chronically disorganised. And of course, to being single.
As a contractor, you can’t help but realise/recognise that time off on holiday is bloody expensive. It’s not just the cost of whatever you decide to do, it’s also the fact that it’s a week you could be working – and contractors don’t get a leave/holiday entitlement. So effectively it’s even more expensive, because not only are you paying money out for the break, but you’re also aware that it’s a week of money you’re not earning.
Even for someone as non-materialistic as me, that makes it into a significant dollop of money. Made even more so by being a sole wage-earner, and thus entirely self-reliant for finances.
The other side (for me, at least) is the whole thing of being single. I don’t care that I’m going to different places on my own, but it’s more about the simple knowledge that it’s still ‘just me’. I’m fully aware this makes no sense to anyone else – and I’m hard-pushed to explain it in writing – but there we go.
I suppose some of it is that – unless, I guess, one goes to a B&B/Hotel – I’m still doing the cooking for myself, doing what I want, going where I want, and it’s not really all that different to how things are anyway.
I’m aiming to look at all this a bit differently in 2015, and to take off on a couple of breaks, but also to disappear off for weekends etc. One of those is already organised – a break to Edinburgh in mid-April, when the next contract finishes. It’s ‘only’ a weekend, but will also involve a couple of other things I want to do in the area, and I’m actually really looking forward to it. Plus, of course, being ‘just’ a weekend, it doesn’t lose me any working time, which makes things a lot easier to bear.
I’m looking at some others too – some for new visits to places I know and haven’t seen in a long time, and others for completely new areas/places, which should be fun.
Posted: Sun 21 December, 2014 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: 2015/16, Change, Cynicism, Domestic, Festering Season, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Food, Introspective, New Year, People, Personality, Single Life, Sociable |
As I’ve said many times before, I’m pretty comfortable with being single, with living my own life, and not really needing any company for a lot of things. I’m happy going to concerts on my own, and to the cinema – indeed, doing most things like that. It suits me and the way I am.
However, there’s one thing I don’t like doing on my own – and get your minds out of the gutter, please! – which is going out for meals. I don’t know why it affects me more than other things – there’s not really any logical reason for it – but it does.
So, in 2015 I’m going to be addressing it a bit, and forcing myself to do it. There are places (both local and further away) that I really want to go to, and so this coming year that’s what I’m going to do. There’ll be a list of places I want to visit – which I may put on here, or may not – and we’ll see how I do.
And I’m starting the way I mean to go on. Earlier this month on Twitter I saw a New Years’ Eve menu that I *really* fancied at a place in Cambridge, and I’ve been wavering on it. But having decided to get my arse in gear with this, I got in touch and booked myself in – and I’m really looking forward to it.
It’s also the first time in *cough* years that I’ll have been out on New Years’ Eve – although it’s quite likely I’ll bugger off before midnight, because I’m still an antisocial bastard who doesn’t like people all that much…
Posted: Sun 14 December, 2014 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: Business, Creativity, D4D™, Depression, Domestic, Geeky, Introspective, People, Sociable |
Last week, I had a couple of indicators that things are definitely in a recovery pattern for me again. (And not just that contract offer a month before the current one expires) This year’s been pretty up-and-down, albeit with more ‘down’ than was feasible or expected, so it’s good that it appears to be closing off on a period of much-needed ‘up’.
The first real thing has been the ability/desire to get out a bit over the last month or so. As already blogged, I’ve been off to Felixstowe and Brighton, as well as two London concerts. That’s a massive improvement over a lot of the year already.
Next was the MK Geek Night last Thursday. I’ve been going to this now for a couple of years, but this year had a couple of wobbles – one where I didn’t want to go because of Too Many People, and one where I was simply too busy/overworked to go (although that one also had the potential for Too Many People as well as A Couple Of People I Really Didn’t Want To See) Me being me, I usually get myself a bit stressed about it due to the whole lots-of-people thing anyway, but those couple of times this year it felt pretty insurmountable.
However, this time it didn’t worry me at all – just turned up with some other friends, and all was good. That, I think, was the real ‘lightbulb moment’, that showed me I was doing better now than I have been in a while. Indeed, I even commented on it to one of the friends while we were there. Definitely A Good Thing.
And finally, I’ve started writing again. There’s a couple of ideas on the burners, and as yet I’m not sure if they’ll actually go through to completion – but they’re being written, which is another major sign of things being better.
So yes, it’s all a bit positive. Of course, the pessimist side of me is now just waiting for the other shoe to drop, for something to mess up a bit, but that’s par for the course – and I’m not hiding away or sheltering and trying to avoid the shoe when/if it does drop, I’m getting on with things in the meantime.
Posted: Mon 3 November, 2014 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: Bankruptcy, Change, Domestic, Getting Organised, Introspective, Thoughts |
This year has – as I’ve written before – been a bit weird. In some ways it’s all been very changeable and flexible, but in others it’s felt very static and fixed.
I think a lot of that has to do with where I’m living, and the fact that I haven’t moved in nearly three years. For me, that’s a long time. Additionally, I know that I’ll be in the same place now (unless there’s some major changes I can’t yet foresee) until at least this time next year.
Three and a half years in the same place will actually be the longest I’ve been in any one house since I first moved away from home (which is pretty much a quarter-century now) – by then it’ll even have exceeded the Norfolk place, which was the previous record-holder.
It would be more of a concern for me if I hadn’t also been changing jobs – I usually find I’m either stable (or at least stable by my standards) in work, or in location, but rarely both at the same time. During the bankruptcy period was the closest I came to being stable at both, although that was because everything else in life was up in the air, so the stability of location and job was A Good Plan.
On a more practical level, moving right now would’ve been more problematic than I’d like. Because of the work-based changes and issues, funding a move would’ve been a challenge. It makes sense to stay put. I think that might be some of the issue, to be honest – that it feels more like I can’t move, which isn’t a good place to be.
Now though, I don’t know. Even with the changes of work – and they have been many – I feel a bit rooted, a bit static. I’m sure I’ll address it and fix it- or at least find a way to reduce the play of that in my head- but for now it’s just a bit odd, a bit of that old scratch at the back of my head that it’s time to be moving on.
This time next year though, things may well be different…
Posted: Sun 26 October, 2014 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: Depression, Domestic, Driving, Finances, Getting Old(er), Introspective, Stupidity, Thoughts, Weigh Less, Work-related |
Carrying on from the last couple of posts – Reasons and Repercussions – I’m hoping that I’m now on the road back. (If nothing else, the fact I’ve done these three posts should say that I’m on the way!)
This last few months has been tough, there’s no denying it. There’ve been a number of facets to that toughness, but I’m generally optimistic that they’re all on the way back to something approaching sanity.
Financially it’s definitely been tough, and I’m back to pretty much square one again. This month will (hopefully) be the last of that level of toughness, now I’m back to working on contract instead of permanent roles. The last few months have cost me dearly, going into what savings I had amassed, based on promises that salary deficits would be fixed and so on – which never happened.
Socially it’s been absolute piss. I’ve hardly seen anyone – some of that is related to the financial stuff, some of it down more to depressions, to not wanting to go out, as well as to feeling a bit trapped by a number of things.
Workwise – well, we covered that in other posts. Safe to say, it’s not been fun, and it’s affected me pretty negatively.
Creatively, it’s been a bit of a dead zone. The only positive is that the amount of time spent on the road while commuting gave me the opportunity to think a bit about some writing ideas, although I didn’t have the time or inclination to actually get them done. Still, with any luck that’ll be part of the next phase.
Really, the only real positive of the last few months has been health-wise – I’ve managed to lose two stone in weight, and been walking far more than I was. And again, that’s something I’ll continue making the effort on, I think, as well as (now I’ve got some more time to myself and my life) getting back to the gym a bit more.
This last few months have left me feeling pretty flat and wiped-out. I’m hoping that now it’s a bit more settled and sorted, things will head in a more positive direction for a while.
Posted: Sat 27 September, 2014 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Getting Old(er), Getting Organised, Introspective, Thoughts |
In other news, it’s the time of year again where I renew (or not) the tenancy agreement on my current place. It’s hard to believe that I’ve been here two and a half years now, but that’s how long it’s been. Time flies when you’re having fun, and all that.
As always, I do some thinking when this comes round, deciding what I want to do, where I want to be, all that tat.
I know that at some point I will want to be moving on, going somewhere new, doing all that stuff again. But the time for that isn’t now. In some ways I really do want to move on, but the time isn’t right, and I don’t know where I want to be. So this’ll do for the time being.
I’m signing up for another year. By then, I’ll most likely have decided what’s next. Or I might stay another year. I don’t know. There’s lots can change in that time.
By the time of the next renewal, this will have been the longest I’ve been any one place in a very long time. And yet I don’t feel settled – and I don’t quite know why. I’m sure I’ll figure it out at some point.
Posted: Wed 17 September, 2014 | Author: Lyle | Filed under: Introspective, People, Thoughts, Work-related |
Today at work was likely to be pretty nightmarish – lots going on that the existing codebase was never written to handle, and which has been hacked and kicked into place by Yours Truly.
Thankfully, it’s all gone pretty smoothly – far, far better than I was expecting it to in some ways.
Mainly though, the reduction in stress levels has been more about the fact I had the office to myself all day, leaving me to get on with stuff without constant distractions and inane conversations.
So while it’s good that the day’s gone well and so on, I can’t help but think it’s probably not a good sign that most of the reason for that was about not having my colleagues around…