Parking a BMW
Posted: Wed 21 May, 2008 Filed under: BMW Drivers, Charm School, Cynicism, Driving, Thoughts 5 Comments »[Note: This is one of those posts I’ve kept on meaning to write, and it’s been lagging in my brain for about a month now]
As regular readers (Assuming there are any, still) of D4D™ will know, I’m really not a great fan of BMW users. OK, let’s be honest, I think that the massive majority (roughly 99.5% of ’em) of BMW owners are total dickheads. Those rare few BMW owners who aren’t complete tosswads? Exceptions to the rule, that’s it. You’ll also note that I tend to not refer to them as “drivers”. (“Arseholes” or “Wankers” is a far more probably piece of terminology)
One of the people in my current office is – you’ve guessed it – a BMW user. Every day – every day he rolls up in the carpark, and plonks his (small) BMW slap-bang over the separating line, so his car takes up two spaces, with half a car’s-width of space either side. It’s completely intentional – I don’t know why he does it, but he does it every day.
Thankfully, the car-park isn’t short of spaces, so this cock’s behaviour doesn’t actually inconvenience people for the most part. But it’s just so indicative of BMW owners, like their cars are something special, and should be treated differently from all others.
And in fairness, I do treat it differently to the other cars. Because I really want to key it, to scratch the shit out of this bell-end’s oh-so-previous paintwork. And I never feel like that about cars. Except for this one.
Amusement
Posted: Fri 10 August, 2007 Filed under: 1BEM, BMW Drivers, Cynicism, Driving, Travel 2 Comments »As I’ve said before, if I drive in to work, I have to go on the pox-ridden bit of single-carriageway road on the A11 between Barton Mills and Thetford. If you’ve ever been to the Center Parcs at Elveden Forest, you’ll know the bit of road to which I refer.
Either side of this section is decent fast dual-carriageway road. But this one section is single-carriageway, and slows everything down.
Now, I admit, I do drive fast. In that way I’m totally a “Type A” personality. Couldn’t deny it if I tried. But I only drive fast when I can. If I can’t, then hey ho, I’ll go with whatever speed everything else is going at. And at that level, I’m far more Type B. Go figure. Mr Paradoxical, and all that jazz.
What this means, though, is that when I get to the poxy bit of road, I’ll go with the flow, which normally (well, normal for 6.30/7am on a weekday) amounts to about 40-50mph. Still not bad, so what the hell. However, this enrages the full-on 100% Type A drivers. Yes, you guessed it, I’m talking about BMW drivers. Why are you not surprised?
Today’s example really amused me, though. Mr BMW 5-series had come tanking up behind me, already doing several dodgy overtaking manoeuvres. He then came out and blasted past me, going round a blind curve on the wrong side of the road. Utter, utter tit. (I know, synonymous with “BMW Driver”)
For once, though, the blind curve didn’t knacker him. It was the next overtaking manoeuvre, while he obviously wasn’t being aware of what he was passing. Blasted past four cars, then tried to slam the brakes on in order to get into a gap before the oncoming truck greased the road with BMW oil.
What everyone else saw, though, was that one of those four cars just overtaken was – yes! – a police car, in full regalia. Hi-vis side bars, lights on the top – you know the drill. And so those lights started flashing, the plod pulled out, caught up with Mr BMW, and pulled him in to the next lay-by.
At which point all the other, rather more Type B drivers who’d just accepted that this bit of road is always shit just cruised on past while Mr BMW was sat up, getting a very solid telling off from Mr Plod.
For some reason, my mood is rather good this morning after that. Maybe there’s a connection?