Christmas Parks
Posted: Mon 24 November, 2014 Filed under: Advertising, Charm School, Customer Services, Cynicism, Festering Season, Marketing, People, Stupidity, Sweary Leave a comment »
I don’t know when/why it started, but it now seems that part of the media’s Christmas tradition is to have a report/story about a “Christmas Park” that opens in November and closes down after one day because of its general shitness, and the resultant litany of customer complaints.
This year, the ‘honour’ has apparently gone to ‘The Magical Journey‘, which was designed/proposed by arch-tossrag Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen
But really, what does anyone expect? These arseholic fucktrumpets are paying up to £20 a head to go and ‘see Santa’ – in November, in unseasonably warm/mild weather – and then get upset that it’s muddy, that they’ve got to queue for ages to see sodding Santa, and that really it’s all – gasp! – a bit shit.
Rather than talking to Trading Standards, I’d suggest probably getting mental health professionals involved, and getting every single one of those paying customers to take a good long hard look at themselves. For fuck’s sake.
Cursory
Posted: Sun 16 November, 2014 Filed under: Cynicism, Domestic, Health, Weigh Less Leave a comment »So, the checkup at the GPs was OK, as far as it went. Although in my opinion, it didn’t go anywhere near far enough.
Bear in mind, I haven’t been there for two years. I have a family history of numerous medical issues, including circulatory stuff (angina, heart attacks, high blood pressure etc.) as well as various body chemistry stuff – thyroid, diabetes and the like.
So you’d think the GP would’ve at least done the stethoscope thing, wouldn’t you? But no. Walk in, get my weight and blood pressure taken, and have to push to even get a blood test (although it is getting done)
All told, the most cursory ‘check-up’ I’ve ever had. And to top it off, it was delayed by half an hour, too. Not even an apology.
It’s fair to say, there’s a complaint in with the practice manager…
Two Months
Posted: Sun 26 October, 2014 Filed under: Cynicism, Festering Season 3 Comments »Just think – in two months time from today, the whole Festering Season bullshit will be over for another year.
Not that I’m counting or anything. Honest.
[And yes, I’m aware that I do this every year. Live with it]
Just Over The Horizon
Posted: Fri 17 October, 2014 Filed under: Advertising, Cynicism, Festering Season Leave a comment »The Festering Season is coming.
How can I tell? (Other than the simple method of ‘look at the bloody calendar’) It really is quite simple…
- The bloody X-Factor has started
- There’s already a load of TV ads for Perfume, new console Games and shitty music compilations
- There’s also adverts from Park for “an Affordable christmas” for Christmas 2015, for fuck’s sorry sake.
- Supermarkets, not content with having chocolate selection boxes etc. out are now starting to put decorations and cards on the shelves too. (And yes, it’s still only mid-October, I know)
I’m just wondering now how long it’ll be ’til I hear the first bloody carol somewhere
Statistics
Posted: Fri 10 October, 2014 Filed under: Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Media, News, Pedantry Leave a comment »On the news last night, there was a story about how rural roads are more dangerous/deadly than motorways (which just makes sense to me – of which more in a minute) and one of their illustrations of this was this road sign
This is supposedly a sign from “one of the more dangerous roads” – but 43 injuries in 3 years equates to 14 (point 3-recurring) deaths a year. That’s just over one a month. Not quite such a scary figure… The same goes with 4 deaths in three years – just over 1 a year.
I don’t know if my viewpoint is a rarity, but I look at a statistic like that, and tend to think “I’ll go with those odds”.
And now, about those stats in the first place…
The stats in the story are :
- 3 people a day die on rural roads
- That’s 11 times more deaths than on motorways
To me, that all makes sense, for a number of reasons – including…
- On motorways, people drive faster – but (in general) pay more attention when doing so. Sure, there’s still idiots – there’s idiots everywhere – but in general people are paying a bit more attention on motorways.
- People definitely pay less attention – and drive worse – on non-motorway roads.
- But also – on motorways, everyone’s going in the same direction. It’s *far* harder to have a head-on collision at speed on a motorway.
- The speeds are higher, but with everyone going in the same direction, it also reduces the relevant impact speed. A head-on is the sum of the two impact speeds – so two cars hitting head-on at 60mph is an impact speed of 120mph. Even if you’ve got someone at 70 on a motorway hitting a stationary vehicle, that’s an impact speed of 70.
- It’s not the same factor if you were to crash into someone ahead of you (for example) because they’re still going forward at 60-70mph anyway, so – as I understand it – if you’re going 70mph, and hit someone going at 60mph, the *impact* speed is 10mph – the difference, rather than the sum.
The other key factor is that I’m willing to bet that there’s one hell of a lot more miles of rural road in the UK than Motorway. In 2005, the DfT’s report said that the UK has 2,202 miles (3,523 km) of motorways. According to this document, the UK’s motorways account for 1% – ONE PERCENT – of the total road space/distance. So again, 11 times more deaths on roads that account for 99 times the road mileage.
All told, it’s just bad stats and shitty journalism
Publicity
Posted: Sun 21 September, 2014 Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Hypocrisy, Media, News, Politics, Thoughts 1 Comment »Over the last few weeks, there’s been a whole load of stuff talked about IS (AKA Islamic State, Isal, or ISIS) – both stuff about hostages held by IS (and the killing thereof) as well as politicians saying how people who go to fight for IS in Syria and the like are just Wrong.
Maybe I’m missing something, but surely if you don’t want people to go and fight for IS etc., there’s a few things that could be done ?
- Don’t keep feeding them the oxygen of publicity. The more they’re mentioned, the more they’re talked about and covered in the media, the more they’ll be seen as an attractive option by those of a certain persuasion / defective nature.
- If you feel they have to be publicised, you do the same as happened to the IRA, where no spokesman was allowed to be broadcast, any statement was done by an actor’s voice, so on and so forth.
- And make sure you don’t show anything but disgust for them. Fuck impartiality, allow presenters etc. to show what they think. Make it clear, say “The terrorist organisation IS has done this, but that’s the most we’ll say about it”.
If you take away the glamour of the organisation, stop feeding them airtime and headlines, they’ll stop being popular.
Of course, the other thing that can be done is to stop focussing on, and alienating, those sectors of the populace, making them feel that the country is against them.
As an example of that, I’ve a colleague who happens to have the surname Ahmed. He flies a lot for the company at the moment, and has been told – in no uncertain terms – “Oh, your name makes sure you’ll never be on the accelerated access programme to get back into the UK”. That’s a completely law-abiding, tax-paying, UK-resident, UK-born person, who now feels more victimised than he has any right to.
But of course as a nation, we’re not letting terrorists win. Riiiight.