Just Over The Horizon

Posted: Fri 17 October, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Advertising, Cynicism, Festering Season | Leave a comment »

ScroogeThe Festering Season is coming.

How can I tell? (Other than the simple method of ‘look at the bloody calendar’) It really is quite simple…

  1. The bloody X-Factor has started
  2. There’s already a load of TV ads for Perfume, new console Games and shitty music compilations
  3. There’s also adverts from Park for “an Affordable christmas” for Christmas 2015, for fuck’s sorry sake.
  4. Supermarkets, not content with having chocolate selection boxes etc. out are now starting to put decorations and cards on the shelves too. (And yes, it’s still only mid-October, I know)

I’m just wondering now how long it’ll be ’til I hear the first bloody carol somewhere

 

Forskolin

Posted: Tue 22 July, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Advertising, Creativity, Cynicism | 3 Comments »

At the moment, I’m getting an absolute shedload of spam for some supposed new wonder-drug product called “Forskolin”

Now surely it can’t just be me that chuckles at the name, and thinks it’s referring to something somewhat ruder? And really? They couldn’t come up with a better name for a slimming product than something that makes you think “Foreskin” every time?

Failed Survey

Posted: Wed 9 July, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: Advertising, Agency Idiocy, Cynicism, Domestic, Work-related | Leave a comment »

I got a survey by email today from Randstad Technology, asking about skills required for management and leaders, as well as about Career Progression etc.

Now, glossing over the fact that my version of “Career” is to use the definition of “to move swiftly along; rush in an uncontrolled way” (as in ‘Careering downhill’)  – and thus not really relevant to me, and my opinion not being really relevant to it – there’s a couple of pretty glaring errors on the second page, which amused me somewhat…

OoopsSo I’m assuming that the third top attribute should be ‘numeracy’, and one of the three top skills should be “attention to detail”…

Acronyms

Posted: Fri 13 June, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Agency Idiocy, Creativity, Customer Services, Cynicism, Web Development, Work-related | Leave a comment »

The current place has just launched a new product for their customers. They’re proud of it, and they’re flogging it now.

It’s been called “Alternative Reporting System for Executive Decisions”.

No-one – not one of ’em, not marketing, not the board, no-one – has realised what the acronym for this product is. And they’re launching it.

I could tell them. I can’t be arsed.

[I so wish I was making this up. But I’m not]

The Devil in the Details – Lloyds

Posted: Fri 23 May, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Bad Ads, Cynicism, Finances, Marketing, People, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

Following on from yesterday’s post about Nissan’s dodgy advertising, maths and small-print, the other ad currently incurring my ire is from Lloyds Bank, advertising their new “Club Lloyds” current account.

Now, while I think that clubbing Lloyds would be a fantastic idea, that isn’t the thing with this new account.  Here’s the ad…

And again, here’s that small-print, while they’re bleating on about how great it is to have an account paying 4% interest…

Pay two separate monthly Direct Debits to earn variable tiered monthly interest. 4.0% AER (3.93% Gross) on balances between £4,000 and £5,000. Lower rates apply for lower tiers

So yep – that 4% interest ONLY applies if you keep more than £4,000 in your current account – but below £5,000. And if we look at that Club Lloyds webpage, what do we find? (I’m going to paraphrase, but you can look for yourself)

  • Balances from £1 – £1,999.99 – 1% interest
  • £2,000 to £3,999.99 – 2% interest
  • £4,000 to £5,000 – 4% interest (and note how that band is half the size of the other two)

And right at the bottom of the explanation?

We don’t pay interest on amounts over £5,000.

Yep – no interest at all if you’ve got over the £5,000 in there.

Fuck you, Lloyds.

The Devil in the Details – Nissan

Posted: Thu 22 May, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Bad Ads, Corbett, Cynicism, Driving, Green, Marketing, People, Thoughts | Leave a comment »

As regular readers will know, I have a really bad habit of reading the small print. (I say ‘really bad’ although it’s not – anyone who doesn’t deserves everything they get. It’s just ‘really bad’ from the advertiser’s perspective)  There’s two ads doing the rounds at the moment that annoy me, so you know what? You get two posts out of it.  Lucky you.

The first (which arrived in my inbox just now, and motivated me to write it) was for a leasing arrangement on a new car – a Nissan Leaf, if anyone cares.

The deal offered is this :

The 100% electric New Nissan LEAF Visia Flex FROM ONLY £199 A MONTH*
WITH A £3,250 ADVANCE RENTAL CONTRIBUTION

OK, so they mention that “Advance Rental Contribution” (which is a deposit, surely?) right at the start, and already it’s skewing the figures. But then we get to the bottom, and the small print…

Finance is available subject to status on eligible new vehicles registered between 01/04/14 and 30/06/14 in the UK to persons aged 18 or over. Rental stated is for Nissan lease. Advance rental of £5,750 (includes £3,250 Advance Rental Contribution) followed by 48 monthly rentals of £199 a month and final rental of £6,201.

Hang on – £5,750 upfront? That’s another £2,500, on top of the “Advance Rental Contribution” – where has it come from, and what’s it for? Even if you take out the first month’s £199, that’s still £2,300 unexplained.  Fucking hell.

All told – with all those amounts listed, that comes to £21,503. For a poxy Nissan Leaf.

But then it gets better…  (Sorry, “better”)

Once you have paid the final rental you can keep using the car by paying an annual rental of £50 + VAT; if you choose Nissan lease then you will never own the car.

As well as entering in to a lease agreement for the vehicle, you will need to enter in to a separate lease agreement for the battery. Monthly price shown includes the on-going monthly battery lease charge of £70.

Now they’re just taking the piss, surely ? So even when you’ve stumped up your £21,503 – sorry, £21,563 including that little final ‘annual rental’ charge, then you will *still* be paying £70 a month for the fucking batteries?

Up yours, Nissan.

Skewing Perceptions

Posted: Tue 15 April, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: 1BEM, Advertising, Cynicism, News | 1 Comment »

This story from Business Insider contains one of the worst (or cleverest, depending on your perspective) graphs in history.

The story is about gun deaths in Florida, and contains the graph below, created by Florida’s Department of Law Enforcement.

florida_gun_deaths

Looks like deaths went down after the “Stand Your Ground” law came in, doesn’t it?

But no, look at that Y axis on the chart (or the bold ‘totals’). The scale is upside down – so gun deaths actually increased after that law came in.

I can hear Blue Witch gnashing her teeth about that graph already…

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