Pheasant Terrorism

Posted: Wed 26 March, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, News, People, Stupidity, Weirdness | Leave a comment »

Some days I pretty much despair of the human race.  (OK, OK, most days. Nearly every day.)

Yesterday’s example was caused by this story in the BBC about a pheasant ‘terrorising’ people at a farm in Cambridgeshire.

From the story…

A delivery driver was trapped for 20 minutes after the bird blocked his way, flew at the bonnet then chased his van.

“One young girl was having her first driving lesson on our land and could not move the car because the pheasant would not leave it alone.”

“I don’t think we’ll see our delivery driver for a while either,” Mrs Hamilton added.

I’m sorry, but if you’re in a vehicle, and being ‘terrorised’ by a pheasant then

  1. You’re a pathetic wanker of the first order
  2. YOU’RE IN A CAR. Run over the sodding thing. Job done.

Testing Times

Posted: Wed 19 March, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, People, Stupidity, Work-related | Leave a comment »

When I’m writing websites and the like, I set up a number of test users so I can test various areas of functionality.

I used to give them names like Drew Peacock, Tess Tickle or Mike Oxlong – but stopped due to them being read out loud and discussed in meetings with board members and the like. (Which is very amusing, but can lead to certain levels of embarassment when the person demonstrating hasn’t actually made the connection until they’ve said the names out loud)  So now I use names like “Testy McTestTest” instead, which should stand out as, you know, a made-up name.

Today though, no, that wasn’t the case. Having done some test signups for a particular piece of site functionality (on the live site, as it was final testing) yesterday, I was copied in on an email today where a colleague decided that the site had been ‘hacked’ because there were four or five Testy McTestTests with different settings on each one. (and all using the email address test@test.com) No other damage, nothing – but obviously “we’d been hacked”

It’s taken every ounce of tact I have (which admittedly isn’t a great deal) to not call the person in question a fuckwit.

Mind you, everyone else on the mailing list (including Board members, Managers, and my line manager) appears to have clearly seen the sarcasm in the response “Apologies for the confusion caused – I will work to ensure that any further test signups are flagged as test signups in a clearer fashion“.

Apoocalypse

Posted: Tue 18 March, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: 1BEM, Charm School, Cynicism, Domestic, Work-related | Leave a comment »

You can always tell when a day is going to be interesting..

Walking in to the toilets at work this morning I was greeted by the sight/sound of a man going in to one of the cubicles, squealing, shouting “Oh god, that’s fucking disgusting” and walking back out.

I have no idea what was in there, or what’d happened.  But you know it’s never going to be a good sign…

Lit

Posted: Thu 13 March, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: 1BEM, A428, BMW Drivers, Commuting, Driving, Fog, People, Travel, Weather, Weirdness | Leave a comment »

This morning’s drive in to work was foggy – foggy enough that you could see maybe three or four car-lengths ahead, and not much more.

So it left me quite gobsmacked to see how many drivers today weren’t bothering with their foglights – and in some cases without any lights on at all.

Considering how every pisswit fuck-knuckle in Christendom seems to put their fog lights on when it’s misty – and then leave them on for three damn days afterwards – it’s pretty amazing when you come across cars today (and particularly bloody silver ones) with no lights on at all.

What on earth are these drivers thinking? (And yes, I know, they’re not thinking)  After all, it’s not like they can see any better than I could – I just don’t get the mindset of “Oh well, other people will be able to see me, even if I can’t see them”

I don’t mind people being stupid, inconsiderate, and fuck-witted. If they want to die on the road, that’s fine with me. What I do mind is the other people affected by those decisions. And that’s just cuntish.

Travel Time

Posted: Thu 13 March, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: 1BEM, Commuting, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Thoughts, Travel | 1 Comment »

Over the past year, much has been made of the HS2 train route, and how it’ll improve transport links in the UK. It’s absolute balls, as most common sense would tell you.  Mind you, what *would* be useful would be a route going across the country, rather than up-and-down it.

An example…

My current contract is in Cambridge, and I live near Milton Keynes. Road-wise it’s an OK run, takes me 45-60 minutes each way.

But by public transport? Oy, fuck me, what a nightmare. For fun, I had a look.

Milton Keynes -> Cambridge isn’t a direct route (because there’s no ‘across’ rail line) Instead, I’d have to go :

  • From Milton Keynes into London Euston
  • From Euston to Kings Cross
  • From King’s Cross to Cambridge.

Now that is madness – it’d be 3 hours in the morning, and at least two on the way home. (Weirdly, trains seem to run better on the return journey)

And then you get to the real madness. The price. Because it’s a ‘via-London’ route, and at ‘peak time’ the cost was always going to be high. But it turns out that a day return comes to £73.70. Yep, just under seventy five quid. Per day. I don’t pay that for a week’s fuel.

And if you think I’m lying – here’s the screenshot from Trainline.com…

mk_to_cambridge

Meles

Posted: Tue 11 March, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: 1BEM, Domestic, Dreaming, Sleep - or lack thereof | 2 Comments »

I’m not normally one for sharing what goes on in dreams (or indeed anywhere else in my head) but for once I have a question.

In the name of all that is rational, sane, and comprehensible, what is it meant to signify if you have a dream that involves being chased down empty streets, pursued by a rabid badger, of all things?

 

Away Again

Posted: Sun 9 March, 2014 | Author: | Filed under: 1BEM, Cynicism, Domestic, Driving, Green, Hypocrisy, Travel | Leave a comment »

And of course bear in mind, when I’m wanking on about reducing impact and so on, that I’m actually a hundred-and-odd miles away from home this weekend, and I’ve driven the whole way.

So yeah – trying to reduce the impact, and all that piss. And sometimes failing. But it’s worth it.

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