Eventually

Well, that’s one success that was well and truly deferred.

Test One was back in ’98, down in Dorchester in Dorset. I failed horrifically, having stalled the car on a hairpin hill curve while on the way back from Weymouth to Dorchester. And rolled back bigtime. Not an auspsicious start.

Test Two came three months later, and put me off driving for a very long time, by the forty-five minutes I’d spent with every other road user trying to kill me. It was market-day, and (among other things) I was nearly side-onned by an idiot coming out of a side-road, rear-ended by a speeding coach, and narrowly avoided a slow-moving (OK, Stationary) skip on a blind corner.

Test Three was in 2003 in Manchester. Another failure for “failing to do proper observations”. I still argue the toss on that one, but well, it’s all in the past now. Bizarrely it again involved a skip, but this time on a junction so I couldn’t see round the fucker. I pulled out to see round it, and then went. The examiner said I should’ve stopped at the line. The response “Could you see round that fucking great skip? Because I bloody couldn’t.” didn’t go down well.

Test Four was in April this year and failed due to fucking up my clutch control at a junction. Unimpressed, but fair to fail me on it.

Test Five was taken in June, and failed for exactly the same reason as Test Four, bizarrely. Not the same junction, but exactly the same fault.

Test Six was today. And yes, at fucking last, I’ve passed. Halle-sodding-lujah!