Bike Routes
Posted: Fri 22 April, 2005 Filed under: Health, Travel, Weirdness 5 Comments »
Over the last week, it’s occurred to me that the majority of bike routes (or cycle paths) in this area are, frankly, shite.
There’s one just round the corner from the house which is supposed to allow cyclists to avoid the chicane “road calming” methodology. That’d be great, except there’s some silly old bastard (not ageist, he’s about 70, and definitely a silly bastard) who parks his fucking metro right in the cycle-path. I’m considering talking to the local plod and seeing if they can do something about it. The alternative is writing up a couple of A4 sheets with “Thanks for parking like a cunt”, and supergluing them to his windscreen. That’ll learn him.
Going through Bracknell you get to see subways that bikes aren’t allowed through. You also get to see “cycle paths” that have full-height kerbstones at every junction, so you only use ’em at risk of buckling the bike wheels. There’s even junctions on the cycle paths where to turn left you have to bounce up a full-height kerb.
It’s actually kind of interesting too to see how drivers attitudes have changed. In fairness, a lot of the time drivers are now far more aware of cyclists, and some even let you out when the alternative is to face-plant a parked car. But most of them appear to see cyclists, then ignore them utterly. Leaving the office at half-five is as close to “dicing with death” as I’ve been in a while. There’s no chance – the drivers all rub against the kerb, and it’s nose to tail. The “safest” place is to ride down the middle of the bloody road. Or walk. Which kind of defeats the theory of cycling.
You just need to develop your commando cycling skills a little and get properly kitted out. Most car owners will move sharpish if your bike as two sharp pointy metal rods sticking out either side, ready to scratch across their paintwork.
And you DO have a stock of paintballoons handy at all times, right? One of those across a windscreen should do the trick and you are safe in the knowledge that they can’t race after you as you wind your way through the traffic!!
See, it’s all in your approach. It’s not a commute, it’s WAR!!
Herself will now be thinking “Don’t give him ideas, Gordon”.
As a conscientious car driver who takes delight in pissing off other drivers by always giving way to cyclists, I do like the idea of that note superglued to the Metro windscreen, as well as the paint bombs. I’ve always thought in this country they should do cycle lanes properly – protect them with a bit of kerb, rather than just painting a slither of road a different colour and leaving it at that.
Mind, those bloody hippies who cycle past when you’re stuck in traffic and swear in through your open window really pee me off. Also, the guy who was zig-zagging across the entire lane on ultra-busy Morningside Road – without a helmet! – no doubt scaring the poo out of the taxi driver in front of me. Death wish. Ban cars. I have to pay my road tax at the end of the month, and I hardly even use the thing. Can’t we ban cars and get in really really really good public transport?
Ok so the majority of the car drivers out there are crap, but there are some
lovely ones too, espcially those lovely fieta drivers!!!.
I think it prudent to also point out thought that some cyclists can be their
own worst enemy. Proof of evidence are the people who weave down
the road, mobile in one hand nattering on regardless. Those that seem to think
that traffic lights do no apply to them and then swear at the driver that they
nearly collide with, and then those who scare the shit out of pedestians
as they seem to think that shared cycle/pavements are really just obstecle
courses where you get 10 points for every person you intimidate into getting out
of the way and jumping into the traffic. Sometimes I think I need my nice safe
fiesta just to protect myself from these evil people.
p.s sincere apologises for the spelling but it’s been a long day
and the links bar is over the comment screen and I can’t see what i have written