Voiceovers

Recently, I’ve noticed something on a couple of TV programmes that really annoys me. On both “The Apprentice” and “Masterchef” they have commentaries and voiceovers. It’s grating on the Apprentice, but it really annoys the fuck out of me on Masterchef.

The programme’s only 30 minutes long, for shite’s sake. Yet the viewer has to put up with some bint whittling on about “Will Andy’s lobster bisque impress the chefs?” or somesuch. We’ll find out in about thirty seconds anyway, not all of us have the attention span of a cerebrally challenged goldfish. “Norman’s first course didn’t impress the judges” (as we saw FIVE FUCKING MINUTES AGO, YOU SIMPERING TWAT) “so will he have cut the mustard on the second challenge” It’s something that makes me wish “interactive” TV were more like DVDs where you can at least turn off the bastard fucking scumshit commentators.

In a half hour programme – with no ad breaks, it’s on BBC2, let’s not forget – they remind the viewers at least three times for each competitor what’s happened. It’s not spread over days on end, or even hard to follow. Instead it seems to have been made for the type of people who find Jerry Springer tough to follow. Except of course that kind of person is busy watching Jerry fucking Springer (or the simpsons, whatever), not bloody Master-sodding-Chef.