An Attack of the Insomnia

Monday night was one of the worst night’s sleep I’ve had in ages. It may be connected to the new contract starting the next day, but I don’t think that was anything in particular.  New contracts don’t usually affect me in that way, and my insomnia appears more to just kick itself up a gear when it’s most inconvenient, rather than in relation to stress and the like.

I’ve written about it before, so I won’t bore with the details. Suffice to say it drives me crackers, but such is life.

My insomnia comes in few different flavours, although obviously all of them share the end result of “bugger all sleep” and “feeling like crap”.

The main version is ‘merely’ disturbed sleep. Sometimes it’s actually disturbed sleep – and just about anything wakes me up/disturbs me at that point. It’s been known to be ticking clocks, snoring cats, mosquitoes, and [something clicking in another room]. The other option – which is admittedly far weirder – is swearing I’ve had a disturbed night, but actually being asleep and dreaming of having disturbed sleep. The end result’s the same, but the latter is definitely far further down the ladder towards lunacy.

On other occasions it’s more about getting to sleep, where my brain simply won’t shut up, and rocks around at about 100mph. (Figuratively speaking, of course)  Again, on occasion I can dream that I’m doing this, but it’s more common that I actually am just awake, with a brain bouncing around on weird and stupid thoughts, with no let-up and no chance of getting to sleep.

The third one – much less common – is where I simply can’t get comfortable, and can’t stay still long enough to drop off. There’s no explanation for it, it just drives me crackers.

The worst – and this is the one from Monday night – is where variants two and three combine, at which point it’s almost worth just giving up completely. I can’t get comfortable, my brain won’t shut up, and it’s all just crap.  However, it’s also very weird for one reason – at some point, it’ll just stop. I think of it like a game of body Tetris. I have to find the one (sleeping) position that actually works, and the challenge is finding that position. It’s usually only once I’ve completely admitted defeat that it finally happens. And the final choice is always a simple change, but one I haven’t wanted to make. (for whatever reason – usually because I can’t believe something that stupid will be the successful one)  Usually it’s occurred when sleeping somewhere new – such as on a friend’s sofa – and then involves merely changing the direction I’m lying in. (i.e. if I’m lying down with my head on the right-hand end of the sofa, I’ll move so it’s on the left-hand end, and go to sleep in minutes)

On Monday it was even simpler. I turned over, and somehow settled into the right position. It was as though my brain and body admitted defeat, and just gave up.  I don’t know why, or how – all I know is that it was three a.m., I looked at the clock, said sod it, turned over, and the brain/body relaxed into sleep. That easy.

I hate insomnia when it hits me like that. I can live (to a greater or lesser degree) with the disturbed sleep variety. I can handle (ish) the Racing Brain variant.  The Restless Bastard one always gets me, and annoys me more than anything else. The combo of Restless Bastard with Racing Brain is just antisocial and vile.