Antidepressed
Posted: Thu 15 April, 2010 Filed under: 2009/10, Depression, Domestic, Five Year Plan (now Ten), Health, Introspective, Thoughts, Writing 2 Comments »A couple of weeks back I wrote about making an appointment to see the doctor about depression, lack of motivation, lack of drive etc. etc. I didn’t – and still don’t – want to ask for help, but I know that in my current state I have/had to.
Yesterday was the day of the appointment. 7am and I’m at the doctors. That’s never going to be the start of a good day…
Anyway, I talked through some of the stuff with the GP – who’s extremely wet and wanky, but means well. Better than being completely useless I suppose. But you never really get the impression he could give much of a damn one way or t’other. I suppose that’s one of the risks of being a GP though.
And now I’ve got a prescription for Citalopram, an SSRI anti-depressant. I’m going to take them, and see how things go.
I’m not happy about being on these pills, but I’m at the point where I know that I need something to break the cycle/spiral I’ve got into. This is the first step in that process. Well technically it’s the third step, I suppose- the first one was acknowledging I’m in that cycle at all, and the second was doing something about it by going to the GP.
I don’t like the thought of being reliant on pills or medication – I’m crap at even taking painkillers unless I really need them.
Also I can’t help but wonder what I’ll be like on anti-depressants. I’ve been living with depression for such a long time now, I wonder what changes there’ll be if it’s not around. It’ll be interesting to find out, anyway.
Well done on take the first step, and the second one. Not an easy thing to do I know.
Others are likely to notice changes before you do (assuming you’re lucky with side effects). I’m expecting a slight decrease in tweet sweariness for one thing. Only a slight decrease, though – this is you after all.
Doc will happy sign repeat prescriptions for you for as long as you ask for them so don’t expect him to suggest gradually coming off the drug when things improve. He won’t. You’ll know in yourself when it’s time to do this.
In the meantime the most important thing is not to miss a day. Play with reducing the dosage when you feel ready (and only when you’re sure you’re ready to do this) but don’t think that one tablet every other day is the same as half a tablet every day. It isn’t and really fucks you up. Trust me, I’m not a doctor.