The man is a god

Charlie Brooker spouts forth about the London Olympics in comparison to the Beijing Olympics.

Yet even as my eyes took delight in the colour and magic, my spirits sank. I’m no patriot, but I feared for our national pride come the 2012 London Olympics. How the hell are we going to top a display like that?

Our plans currently consist of six roman candles, Bernie Clifton riding his ostrich, and some Britain’s Got Talent prick-a-ma-boob beatboxing on a trampoline. It would be less shameful if we all marched into the arena one by one, dropped our trousers, yanked our bumcheeks apart and let the entire globe gaze right up our apertures for an hour, while the Kaiser Chiefs perform their latest single in the background.

If nothing else, it would give the rest of the planet something to think about.They’d never mess with us again, that’s for damn sure.

© Charlie Brooker/Guardian Newspapers 2008

I’ll be back in a bit – I just have to get Sprite out of my sinuses.