Devious Bitch

I meant to write about this a while ago, and completely forgot. (Well, I think I did – I don’t remember writing about it, so *shrug*) But anyway, the other week, Hound finally confirmed my suspicions that she’s a devious cow. Let me explain…

At home, Psycho Cat has his food in one particular room, which Hound is kept out of by means of a stairgate. (like people have to prevent children from going up stairs) When she was younger, she used to jump the stairgate, but since we’ve moved to Norfolk she doesn’t even attempt that any more.

If for any reason the stairgate is left open and the cat’s food is down, Hound will go in and scoff as much of it as possible. At that point, because of Hound’s megaoesophagus, she’ll then spend the next 30 – 60 mins puking it back up and re-eating it. This will continue until either a) it stops of its own accord or b) she pukes it up, one of us gets her into her cage, and then clears up the (now warm, and eaten several times puke.

Herself always says that this thieving of Psycho Cat’s food is just because she’s a dog, and thus a scavenger at heart who can’t resist stealing food. Which is fair – but when we were in Bracknell, I often wondered why Hound wouldn’t jump the stairgate to steal the food when we weren’t in the house.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I came home and Hound was fast asleep. I went in to the kitchen, and could suddenly hear her scoffing away in the room with the cat’s food in. Hound had gone in there – the stairgate was open – and hoovered up the entire of the cat’s tuna.

But she’s shown her hand now. Because I know I didn’t open that stairgate. So the devious cow can resist stealing the food while we’re out, because she knows she won’t be able to go and puke in the garden. Therefore, she also knows that stealing the food will make her puke it up. She understands cause and effect – she knows that if she scoffs that food, she’ll be ill, so she waits until someone is around to feel sorry for her before she does it.

And in my book, that makes her a devious conniving bitch. And no longer will she have my sympathy when she’s stolen the cat’s food, and is now looking all mournful and “I couldn’t help it, it was just there” while she’s puking it all over the back garden.