Speed of Communications

After the conversation today, I’m beginning to suspect that either a)Argos exists in a different dimension to the rest of the world, or b) they’re a bunch of fucktard cunts with the technical skills of a slightly retarded marmoset. Or c) Both.

I’ve ordered a new sofa-bed for the spare bedroom – a long story I can’t be arsed to go into now, but it was needed – and ordered it from Argos. No particular reason, other than that they had one we liked. Which, when all’s said and done, is as good a reason as any.

The first insult-to-injury moment comes when the website says “This item is only available for home delivery” – fair enough, I don’t want to load a sofa-bed plus mattress etc into a Ford Focus – and I can see that this kind of thing would take up room in the shop warehouse, so great, deliver it directly to me. “Delivery costs £5 extra”. Cunts. Charging me to deliver something I can’t collect from the store – not just because it’s a hassle, but because you won’t stock it in the shops is taking the piss. But hey ho, it’s only a fiver. I can live with that.

So I ordered it. Easy. Except no confirmation comes through to my email address – it should do, they say they’ve sent one. And I can’t log back in using the email address I thought I’d given them, which means I’ve probably fucked it up. I call the customer helpline…

“Oh, don’t worry, the order’s gone through, but sometimes we it takes two days to send out the email”
“Eh? You’re taking the piss. Two days to send an email?”
“No, that’s right. It can take two days. It takes at least twenty-four hours for your customer account to be sorted out too.”
“But I did it all online – the information’s in the bloody database already!”
“Yeah, but it still takes time to set up…”

I despair. Bunch of idiots in a parallel dimension, I’m sure of it.