Demoralised

It’s been two months now since I started with the new job. In that time, I feel like I’ve learned sod-all, and I still don’t really understand what the company does, or why, or even most of how. That’s frustrating.

I don’t know if some of it is due to permanent jobs having a far slower/shallower learning curve than contracting, where it’s always “in at the deep end”. I do know that I don’t react well to that kind of ethos, I far prefer the “sink or swim” approach. And at the moment I’ve spent two months paddling, with no real impetus or incentive to do anything else.

Now, I’m supposed to be analysing some reports and how they work, where they get the data from. That’s all well and good, and in basic terms I can figure it out no worries. But that lack of understanding, the fact I simply don’t know (and, if I’m honest, don’t care) about what a Net Net Shipping Forecast Figure is, means that I’ve frankly no clue whether the information I’m reporting back on is correct, flawed, or utter bollocks. My suspicion runs with the latter, but that’s because most of the work that integrates with marketing stuff seems to be filed under “Bollocks, Utter” in my brain.

Will that change? I don’t know – with time it might, were I to work out what the figures mean, and why they’re important. I’m still going with the hope that at some point all of this will suddenly click into place, and I’ll understand it.

What really grates with me though is that lack of understanding. I’m not stupid – far from it. But to be told that a method is “easy”, when it then takes 90 minutes to be explained, leaves me wondering whether I’m cut out for this stuff. I don’t like being made to feel stupid, and I don’t handle it well. I know that about myself.

What I don’t know about myself is whether I’m just missing something fundamental, or whether this job really isn’t for me at all.