Offensive Office

via Razorhead.

The BBC has a piece about politeness in the office and its effects on colleagues, following a survey by Office Angels.

Office Angels is urging people to turn up for meetings on time, turn mobile phones off and cut down on swearing.

Now, for me that counts as pretty much “No shit, sherlock”. Readers of d4d™ would be amazed to know that it’s exceptionally rare for me to swear in a meeting. (although the muttering afterwards while walking back to my office would make sailors blush) In my experience telling someone that they’re a fuckhead twadgeknacker with about as much practical business knowledge as an impotent in a whorehouse is utterly unproductive – no matter how much I might want to say it. (If I’m honest, I sometimes think that my tone conveys these words without them needing to be said aloud. The subvocal “You tosser” seems to just tag itself on to a sentence.)

As for Razorhead’s own example of someone taking calls in the middle of a meeting, I think that might make me swear. All mobiles have a “Silent” option – most now have a vibrate option. At worst, turn the poxy fadnadging thing off. Yes, *Gasp* it has an off switch. You don’t have to take every call at any time, no matter how important you may wish to look. Instead, you’re making yourself look like a smug egocentric huffswanger. (Don’t ask)

So – that’s the basics of being better in the office, is it? Personally, to that little lot I’d add…

• Not smelling like a dead otter with the squits
• Actually doing the work, instead of swanning around complaining how busy you are while doing fuck all
• Not talking about fucking bastard Euro 2004 incessantly and at a volume where everyone in the office is forced to listen
• Ditto, but for Eastenders, Corrie, and most other soaps/dramas/whatever

and

• Scratching your nuts/fanny/groin area while talking to colleagues

Thank you for listening.

Security

Yesterday evening was an utter bastard. I have a range of sites hosted by 34sp now, as they seem to be good, stable, secure, and provide decent value for money. However, last night the security was a problem…

Being an utter twadge of the first order, when I’ve signed up for domains and hosting with them, I’ve used an email address and password combination. However, a)I normally forget which one I wanted as my “main” email/password, so I come up with something else. And then get really creative and use a password that isn’t one of my regular ones (I have about six that I use everywhere in most places, so I can normally remember them) just to confuse things further.

Last night I was trying to update one site (Domain One), and it kept coming up with the file system from another of my sites (Domain Two). Fair enough, they’re on the same admin login, but the domain names are very different. So I email 34sp to ask them what the blazing badgery knackers is going on. They say “you need to validate your enquiry against your log-on and password for this account” (which is, of course, different to the FTP login) Can I remember it? Can I arseburgers.


Another email – “Um, can you send the login details to the registered email address, because I’m a twadge and can’t remember what it is” and following the “authorise this request through the login and password you can’t remember” response (and it’s rather ruder reply from myself) I got logged in.

It’s not in that account. Domain One is – the one I thought had the problem – but Domain Two is on a completely different account. It just happens to sit on the same server as Domain One. Aaaaaaaargh!

At this point my brain is bleeding out through my ears, but logic has kicked in and said “Hold on a minute, this is their fuckup, not yours!” so I’ve asked them to find out what the hacknacking chuff the problem really is. I’m still waiting for a response…

Going Postal

Yes, it’s taken some time, but I’m going to blether about tomorrow’s elections. Be afraid – but don’t be too afraid, because it’s not a sweary post.

Here in the North-West, they’ve been trialling postal voting – and in many ways it’s been a complete balls-up. It was brought in too close to the polling day, and as such there simply wasn’t enough time to make sure that it was implemented correctly and smoothly. Ballot papers were misprinted, or had errors in, and then had to be reprinted, checked, and distributed (or in some cases re-distributed) all to a strict deadline. So in that aspect it’s not gone down well at all. Cynics (Yes, Ian Hislop, I mean you) have observed that all the areas that are trialling the postal vote are primarily Labour areas, and that they’re trying to get as many votes in as possible – which is an interesting idea, although I’m not sure I’m that politically cynical.

Personally, I have problems with a couple of other aspects of the postal vote. First, the “confirmation” by another person that a voter is who they say they are. This is something that’s easily forgeable – I’ve no idea how they’ll be validating that the people who have countersigned actually exist, but I can’t see that it’ll be comprehensive. And if that’s the case, then there’s a flaw in the voting procedure. Secondly, there are barcodes on each ballot paper. Voting is meant to be anonymous, yet (and maybe I’m paranoid) each ballot has a unique bar-code on it, both on the envelope and on the ballot paper. Somewhere along the line, that means it’s likely that there is some form of database holding barcode against address/voter – which means that, given any interest at all, it’s possible to figure out who’s voted for who, and that doesn’t just flaw the voting procedure, it runs the risk of breaking it totally.

I can understand that there needs to be some method of increasing voter turnout. I make the effort even when it’s turning up to a voting booth, but a lot of people don’t. In the age of instant gratification, where everything can be available at the flick of a switch or the press of a button, it’s an effort to get to a voting station. The postal voting method has already apparently increased the turnout, so it’s been a success in that context.

But what does the future hold? Will we end up “pressing red” on the TV remote control in order to vote? Or “Send a Text saying ‘Vote:[whoever]’ to 98444”? Both of these methods would require some form of validation, a proof that you had voted once and once only – the easiest way is to have that unique ID, that voter code, and unless the code is there (and only used once) then it’s a spoiled ballot. But the unique ID means that the voting is no longer anonymous, and can thus be tracked, and (for example) Opposition voters targeted by the current government in order to change their minds for the next election. It seems that it’s a double-edged sword, we either have voter anonymity, or we go for increased voter turnout.

The only way to do both is to make it that each person HAS to vote. It becomes a legal – and enforceable – requirement, the way Australia already does it. But then there has to be a change to the ballot papers – if we have to vote, there has to be an option to say “None of the Above”, a statement that while you have to vote, you don’t have to like any of the fuckers you’re voting for. I suspect that “none of the above” would be the recipient of a high proportion of the vote…

Up It

Yes, Haloscan’s up it again. With luck it’ll get fixed soon.

In the meantime, if anyone does have comments on any of the stuff I’ve posted today, they can email it to me. Then once Haloscan has it’s database unborked, I’ll add them into the system.

It’s not perfect, but it’ll do for now.

Sea Boots

Oh, Nads. I’ve got to attend a wedding this weekend, and so of course smart clothing is an essential. (People who know me are now already pissing themselves with laughter at that concept) “Suited and booted” is the expression we’re looking for.

Boots however, are now a problem. Having been to Middlesbrough last weekend, I went off to Redcar with friends for a walk on the beach. Beaches and sea are still the main things I miss since moving to Manchester, having previously spent two years living in Weymouth. That’s when I got used to a two-minute walk to the beach, and the constant sound of sea. I love it. But anyway, I digress. Redcar.

Much as I think the place itself is a pretty standard seaside dump (cf. Weymouth, Great Yarmouth, Blackpool, ad infinitum, ad nauseam) it’s got a pretty good beach – so long as you can ignore the steelworks at one end of it (which most of the photos somehow seem to miss out). So we were wandering along it, at the sea’s edge, and the tide was coming in.

Yes, you’ve guessed it – boots, covered in sea-water. At which point I gave up caring anyway, so they just got soaked in the end. I’d forgotten about the wedding.

The boots are now grey in places, salt-water having dried into the leather. That is (perhaps) sortable. The real problem is that, having been wet, they now smell. Badly. I mean really really badly. I’ve had three years use out of them, and they were on the way out anyway, but I’ve now got to buy new boots before the weekend.

Oh, bollocks.

From Shitehawks to Nighthawks

You know, some people would say I was a geek. (I know, it’s hard to believe) Perhaps I am – it’s hard to come up with another reason why I feel that Peregrine falcons breeding in London would be a pretty good reason for a visit to the capital. (I’m going to be down that way at the start of July anyway, visiting Tate Modern to see the Hopper exhibition with my father – so I suspect that a small side-trip to Regents Park may be in order)

Of course, I also think that Ospreys in the Lake District are a good thing too, although for now I stick with occasionally looking at the webcam.

Concert Hotel

I was going to blither about this yesterday, the noticed that Gert had mentioned it too, and then completely forgot. Typical.

Yesterday, the new Radisson hotel in Manchester offically opened. Normally a new hotel wouldn’t have been overly news-worthy, but this one has been built to use the frontage of the Free Trade Hall.

The entire project has been a fascinating development, taking the listed frontage of the Free Trade Hall, (built in 1856) and then trying to build something modern that still works against it. Various suites have been named after musicians and conductors that have played at the venue, which I feel also adds a nice touch to the entire concept.

The Hall has been a shell since I moved up here, and it’s good to see the building with some life in it again. I’ll probably get some photos of the development in the next few days, and bung them on d4d™ when I do.