Sleeeeeeeeeeep

No, it’s not getting any better. I didn’t think I’d had an overly disturbed night, but my entire body – and particularly my eyeballs – are crying out to just go home and go to bed. It won’t happen – I’ve got domestic stuff and shopping to do tonight before a houseful of people tomorrow, so that’s up the creek too. Bugger.

But oh yes, sleep is deeply appealing. Of course this also means I’ll be shattered ’til about 10pm, at which point I’ll be bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, just in time for bed. I want to break my bodyclock.

Slow Day

I don’t know quite what’s happened today, but there’s very little going on at all. In fact, I almost wish I’d just stayed in bed. It would’ve been a much smarter move, all things considered.

Twadge 2

This morning I collected my ticket for the Barenaked Ladies concert in Manchester on Wednesday May 5th. It had been posted (as per usual) recorded delivery, and because my wanky postal service doesn’t deliver ’til 11am or so, I was at work. So hi-ho off to the sorting office to pick up the envelope. Grand.

Upon opening it, also enclosed with the ticket (for 5th May,let’s not forget) was a flyer for (God help us) Sarah Brightman playing at Wembley Arena. On Wednesday 5th May.

Yet again, I despair.

Twadge

I despair.

“Can you take a look at the homepage of the site?“
“Yeah, what’s the problem?“
“Well, x, y and z, but I wanted to check if your version of the internet was saying the same as mine“

Some people just shouldn’t be allowed near technology.

Diversions

Sometimes the best way to put all the other stuff on hold is to immerse myself in other things – and being a geek that normally ends up being some weird program module or similar. Today it’s been phpBB. Having recently looked at a site where the phpBB installation is – to be civil – a right twadge-up, I agreed that I’d have a look at how to get it working properly, and how customisable it was.

I downloaded it yesterday, and installed it on a client’s site (fortuitously they also wanted a set of forums/bulletin boards) in less than half an hour, including database setup, and initial user administration.

Today’s displacement activity has involved customising all of the output, eliminating stuff that’s not needed, adding in page furniture and look and feel to make the forums match the rest of the site, and a whole range of tweaks that have left me feeling bizarrely chuffed with the amount I can get done in less than 24 hours.

Crash – and rebound

OK, I’m going to close this chapter here. I’ve whinged on for long enough. As per the statement below, life goes on, and it will improve.

And yes, I do feel better for having just spouted all that lot out, rather than letting it fester. With luck, the curve will now be back in a more upwards direction, and we’ll just see where things go from here. Yes, there are some issues that need to be dealt with – but that’s for a time in the future. If I do it right now it’ll just be a case of lashing out while I’m hurting, wanting other people to hurt too – and that’s not my style. So those issues will be on hold, and will get dealt with when I’m ready. The decisions have been pretty much made, it’s now just down to communicating them. *Grin*

Crash – part 3 – the future

As Sarah so pithily puts it

Sob your heart out, but for fecks sake, it does improve.

And yes, it does – and I know it does. Not everyone’s crap, not all friends walk away, and at the end of the day, the rollercoaster rides always come to a stop, back to where they started. ‘Twas always thus.

But am I being unreasonable with those who do fall by the wayside in my opinion? Yeah, possibly. Maybe I expect them to pick up on more than they do – but is it such a bad thing to assume some intelligence, rather than assuming that they’re pig-thick and need everything spelled out? Mea Culpa, I’m atrocious at asking for help, as I wrote below. But – and this one’s a big but – all the people who know me well know that to be the case, and they also know that in all but the worst times, I’ll say “I’m OK” or “I’m fine”. To hear me say “No, I’m not doing well”, or “I’m doing badly” is/should be the equivalent of a 21-gun salute, along with flares, flags, and “breaking news” announcements. “I need to take a break, a big one” is the Lyle version of “hide all the bladed items and pointy things”.

I’m not perfect – Lord knows, I’m probably more flawed than most – and I try my hardest to not expect too much from people. In some cases, to expect anything at all. But is it not fair to at least hope that people can pick up these things, when they’ve known me for 10 or 15 years? The ones who’ve let me down this time have done so before, it’s not a “one fault and you’re out” scenario. In better days I’ve explained why I feel hurt and let-down by their prior actions – I haven’t changed the ground rules this time, yet the same scenario has played out again. How many times should I try to be benevolent and understanding that I’m not perfect on this either?

Many, many thanks to those who’ve commented – as I said before, it means more than I can say. Yes, I’ll be OK, I’ll get through it, and there’s light at the end of the tunnel. The last few weeks have been a pig, and the sense of loss and let-down is still very fresh, and there are still some large repercussions that are likely to happen. But I’ll be OK, and I’ll get through the dark periods. And thank you to the people on here that I’m honoured to call “friends”